Enjoying the Journey

Since Meghan has been working so hard for SmugMug doing financial stuff and being the queen of shipping, she joined the ranks of the SmugMug Heroes (or Villains as the case may be).

Meet Poison Ivy!

As mothers we are often forced to decipher the many reasons for which our children cry. It is usually a great mystery until they can talk and articulate exactly what it is that is wrong. When Reese was a newborn I remember that quite often she would cry and I had absolutely no idea what it was she needed. Did she need a diaper change? Clean as a whistle. Was she hungry? All attempts to feed her failed. Was she tired? She wouldn’t sleep. I was often left scratching my head wondering what I was missing.

Somewhere around 6 months I noticed that Reese and I had hit our stride. I don’t know if I had become better at reading her and what she needed, or she just cried less often. Whatever is was, things in the crying department improved immensely and it has been a few months now that simply picking Reese up usually cures any crocodile tears.

So that is why I am surprised to find myself here once again scratching my head over the recent flood of tears from my poor sweet baby girl.

For the past few days Reese has been extremely weepy. If I put her down to play she cries until I pick her up and often continues crying as I rock her and cuddle her. Granted we are in the end stages of a cold, but it’s been a week and a half and I am feeling fine now, shouldn’t she? She still has a bit of a cough and a runny nose, but even when we were sick a week ago she never acted like this. When I try to feed her she usually fusses and cries and pushes the bottle away. I’m lucky if I get her to drink 2 oz. She has been taking her naps normally, but often acts tired within 10 minute of waking up (i.e. rubbing her eyes, putting her head on my shoulder, heavy eyelids). She doesn’t have a temperature- I’ve checked numerous times. I have unfortunately discovered that both infant Motrin and infant Tylenol only make things worse. It seems that some babies will react to these medications negatively-instead of helping baby sleep and easing the pain, baby will become agitated and alert. Reese seems to be just such a baby. Bummer!

So once again I am trying to read the clues to figure out what is wrong with my poor little munchkin. Teething? Headache from bonking her head yesterday? Indigestion? Not enough sleep? The list goes on and on and I am completely stumped.  It’s heart-wrenching when you know there is something wrong with your baby and you don’t know how to fix it! I’m not a detective, I’m just a mom!

Last week during my brief absence from blogging Mark, Reese and I took a family trip to Utah to visit my family. We made the flight reservations around Christmas time and I was ecstatic to see my family. I have visited multiple times in the last year by myself and once with Reese when she was 3 months old. But it dawned on us that Mark has not visited my family since Christmas ‘06, so he had better make the trip with me this time before my family thought he disliked them altogether.

Visits home inspire dreams of laying about happily visiting whilst my eager and willing family members hold, play with, and generally coddle baby girl. I figured I would have more than enough help to make it a very relaxing vacation for Mark and I.

It was in no way my family’s fault that this did not occur.

Reason #1- Reese decided a week before our visit to start her “I only want Mommy” phase. I noticed it a bit last week when I would leave her with the daycare workers at the gym and she would immediately start crying. Then it was made even more clear when I handed her off to my mother-in-law just for a minute while I put on my shoes and she once again started to bawl. Perfect timing right? Our trip to Utah was an opportunity for my family to get in all the Reese time they could stand and she wouldn’t let anyone hold her but me. Even Mark was shunned unless I stayed in the same room when he held her.

Silly me. I thought that my baby, who is far from shy with strangers, might miraculously skip this phase. Once again my early optimism has made me feel completely ridiculous when I am once again mistaken.

Reason #2- The night after we arrived Reese began throwing up at the restaurant where we were eating dinner. This began a downward spiral of sickness which claimed Reese, Mark, myself and possible one or two family members in the week we visited. The first night she was sick I couldn’t get her to sleep in the pack and play that was set up for her. Can you really blame her? Long day, sick, strange crib…

So I climbed into bed with her and cuddled her to sleep. Something I actually have never done before since she has always slept better in her crib than with me. I spent the whole night holding her and consoling her as she drifted in and out of sleep. I couldn’t move her once she was asleep without waking her, so putting her in the pack-and-play was out of the question. When she finally did drift off I was never comfortable enough to sleep myself. It was a long night.

The following day I came down with the same cold and Mark soon followed. We began canceling the majority of our fun plans for the trip. We had originally packed our schedule with people to see and places to go, but all of that fell by the wayside when we faced the prospect of bringing along a sick Reese or leaving her with my Mom and having her cry the whole time. Neither option seemed too appealing.

Reason #3- I had forgotten how COLD Utah is! I lived there for a good portion of my life and still I was surprised by how absolutely freezing it was. I guess California has made me soft. The thought of leaving my parent’s warm house was not very appealing, especially when sick. So we spent a good deal of our trip inside next to the fire, wearing sweatshirts.

Reason #4- If you’ll remember, I wrote recently about how Reese had two new teeth coming in. Wrong! Baby girl has SIX teeth coming in. The two on the bottom are now halfway out, and all four of her top teeth are coming in as well.

Reason #5- Schedule completely thrown out of whack. I knew that I would have to sit back on this trip and go with the flow and Reese would not be getting solid naps every day. It would be impossible. What with the time change and everyone wanting to see her, there was no way. I was ok with her catching some naps in the car or in my arms for the week. Add to that being sick and Reese was a complete mess. My usual sweet natured baby did not visit Utah with us. In her place came a tired, clingy, sad, coughing, lethargic, runny-nosed baby. I felt like an awful mother every time I took her out in the car seat instead of putting her down for a much needed nap. I need to relax more! It’s not the end of the world and Reese is fine!

Combine all of these things and you can see why I am exhausted beyond words. I thought Reese was finally at a good age to travel with, but it seems that we may have to wait a bit longer before she will be ok on family vacations.

There were definitely some high points though:

I got to spent a ton of time with my family. Reese and her cousin Rhianna got along great and I can’t wait to get them together to play when they are older.

I got to see a few friends, though not everyone I had hoped to see. I got to meet my sister’s boyfriend (although he insists we have met before since we went to high school together), and we had a great time getting to know him better.

All in all it was a rough trip but I’m glad we did it anyways. Trips like this force me to relinquish the tight control I usually have over my life and just go with the flow. It all turned out fine and the earth didn’t come to an end because Reese didn’t eat her whole bottle or only had a half an hour nap. My sanity is a bit frazzled, but it was worth it to visit with the people I love so much.

I was just reading back in my journal from when Mark and I were just starting out dating. It’s a tradition for me every year around this time to read those journal entries. Probably because this is the time of year we were falling in love. I’m so grateful that I had the foresight to keep such a detailed journal. It’s now probably one of my most valuable possessions. Five years ago tomorrow Mark and I shared our first kiss. A week later Mark told me he loved me for the first time. Every time I read this journal I’m so overwhelmed with the feelings I had then and the amazement that against all odds we ended up together! We were so young and quick to jump into marriage. I’m so lucky that while I was quite naive and immature, I picked such an amazing man to be my husband.

Reese woke up from her nap when I was in the midst of reminiscing and I went into her room to get her. She broke into one of her usual “I just had a good nap” grins and I found myself tearing up. I have such a great life! I knew that marrying Mark and choosing this path would make me happy but I could never have imagined the utter and complete joy that is my life right now. Reese is this amazing baby with personality and potential. If I had never kissed Mark all those years ago she probably wouldn’t exist today. So many small decisions over the years that let me to this point, and now looking back I can see the big picture and I feel completely amazed that it all worked out so well.

You always hear about “the pregnancy glow”. It refers to the beautiful skin, thick hair, and general appealing appearance of a woman expecting. I too experienced the “pregnancy glow”. That’s not to say that I felt gorgeous during pregnancy, but there were some noticeable pluses. My hair was thicker and grew faster. My skin was clear and soft and hydrated. And while the belly wasn’t exactly attractive in my opinion, the rest of me felt pretty hot.

No one ever tells you what happens AFTER.

Let me stop to make an embarrassing admission. I used to be somewhat judgmental towards women who become mothers and then stop taking care of themselves. I swore I would not become a mommy who lives in her sweats and stops wearing makeup and doesn’t shave for weeks. I know. I’m so behind the times. I just feel better about myself when I take the time to look presentable. I never used to even consider going to the grocery store without makeup on.

So let’s talk about my downward spiral into frumpiness. As the initial joy and excitement of waking up in the middle of the night to feed your little one wears off, so too does the pregnant glow. Gone is the clear radiant skin and the thick lustrous hair. Now you have dark circles under your eyes and your hair is falling out in handfuls. Gone is the sparkle in your eyes and the time to shower every morning. Now you have acne like you are a teenager again and it’s a good day if you get to bathe.

Oh yeah, and the reason that mommies wear sweats is this:

#1 None of their old clothes fit but they can’t bring themselves to buy new ones because they still hope that someday soon they can slip into their old jeans. A daily ritual ensues of trying on multiple outfits hoping they fit now (even thought they were still too small yesterday), then getting frustrated staring at the pile of clothes on the bed that still don’t fit, and finally throwing on a pair of sweats and calling it a day.

#2 What’s the point of getting dressed anyways? Most of the time your outfit for the day gets spit up on, pooed on, or sprayed with baby food.

#3 For the most part no one sees you anyways. You might as well be comfortable!

Since Reese was born it’s been a gradual descent into ugly for me, but last week sealed the deal. Last week I threw out my back, got my first cold sore EVER, realized that I would indeed have to buy a new pair of larger jeans, and pretty much stopped looking in the mirror altogether. Oh wait! And if that’s not bad enough-my teenage acne has reared it’s ugly head once again. So basically I was walking around my house hunched over like an old woman, with greasy hair from not showering for 2 days, wearing sweatpants and a t-shirt with some of Reese’s drool on it, and no makeup on my face because really-what’s the point? There was a moment of clarity when I realized that I had sunk to an all time low, and it was not pretty.

So I decided to take control. I needed to feel like a woman once more and not so much like a dead mommy.

Today I left Reese with the hubs and took myself to a spa, a place I had forgotten existed. Now let’s be honest-I like to pamper myself as much as the next woman, but I consider pampering the occasional pedicure in the summertime, and a massage once in a blue moon-usually when someone has given me a gift certificate for one. I have never gotten a facial, and lucky me-one of my mom friends had given me a gift certificate for just such an experience. My skin has been so dry and troublesome lately I was ecstatic hoping that this would rectify the situation. I was more excited for the results than for the actual facial.

The verdict? I cried it was so good. I wanted to hug the aesthetician when it was over it was so good. She started with a foot massage, then began massaging various creams and lotions onto my face. Between each new product she would wipe my face clean with a warm towel. She massaged my aching shoulders and neck, she rubbed my arms and hands until they tingled. The whole while there was soft music floating though the dim room and I was tucked under a warm blanket half asleep. It was HEAVEN! A whole hour of complete bliss. Worth every penny, even though the pennies paying weren’t mine. I feel refreshed and rejuvenated and almost like a woman again.

The moral of the story is this-If you do happen to find yourself on a downward spiral into “the post-pregnant anti-glow” you are not alone. Pamper yourself! We as mothers take so much time caring for the people around us that every once and awhile I find it completely justifiable to have someone take care of us. Will I continue to wear sweats most days? Pretty much. But I resolve to make more of an effort to not allow myself to become a complete mess just because I’m now a mom.

I have a feeling that there will be spas in heaven:)

It takes me a long time to get around to editing videos and getting them online. I finally finished a few videos from December.

A tour of our new house. We were not quite fully moved in at the time, so the garage was a mess and we didn’t have some of our pictures hung. Warning: a bit long and boring, especially for those who live out here and have already seen the place!

Don and Eliz’s dog visits. He just can’t resist chasing after a ball, even if it means jumping in a freezing cold pool.

More smiley Reese.  She really does smile all the time.

Reese has been a bit of a cranky baby lately. I thought it might be a delayed reaction to the switch from 3 naps to 2, but no- it was the teeth. Two new bottom teeth to be precise. I was hoping all her teething would be as easy and painless as the last time. It seems that is not the case though. Still, crankiness seems to be the only symptom of teething I’ve noticed. Thank goodness Reese is not really a drooler, I don’t think Mark could take it.

As for the new trick-I went into Reese’s room the other night to check on her. It had been an hour since I put her to bed and she was still awake in there making noises, which is very unusual for her. Mind you, she wasn’t crying, just making noises. When I walked in I was very surprised to see her STANDING UP in her crib holding onto the side! First of all, she only started crawling 2 weeks ago, second of all as far as I knew she could only stand up if I propped her up first, I had no idea she could get there on her own! It’s a good thing she didn’t fall out of the crib because we hadn’t pulled up the rail all the way yet. I thought we were weeks (if not months) away from needing to.

It still amazes me the way babies change over night. I swear I will wake up tomorrow and she will be standing by my bed asking for a cookie.