The Countdown

I’m officially 6 days away from dying competing in my first ever triathlon.

I could say that training has been awful. I could complain about the time it takes out of my day. I could whine about how hard it is to train. But that would not be true. The truth is, I have really enjoyed getting ready for this. It feels empowering to be conquering something that I never thought myself capable of. I feel alive, and empowered, and happy. It’s not easy to take the time out of my already busy schedule to go to the gym, but maybe that is why I have loved it so much. It is a constant thing that I do every day that is just for me.

The bad news: I’m not going to be entirely ready next Saturday. I need a few more weeks before I would feel truly comfortable in all three areas-swim, bike, and run. But my time is up, and there is nothing I can do about it now but try my best to finish. It will be hard, and I know that somewhere in the middle of the race I will be questioning why I did this and what possessed me to attempt such a feat. I am a dancer not a triathalete! But hopefully when it’s all over and I cross the finish line I will realize that is was all worth it. Hopefully.

The good news: I’ve lost 10 lbs! I fit into most of my clothes again (darn those elusive skinny jeans!). I feel more healthy that I have felt in a long time. I have fallen in love with swimming and biking through this process and know that I will continue to go to the gym after this is all over to do those forms of exercise because I truly enjoy them. I am happy, healthy and feel like anything is possible if I just put my mind to it. And that is worth every drop of sweat and minute away from my baby girl at the gym these last 2 1/2 months.

Reese turns one!

I have been thinking a lot about what I wanted to say in this post. Still, I am left with few words about my feelings over Reese turning one. I am a person who hates change, and so my little baby turning one year is a hard thing for me to feel excited about. It means that my baby is not really a baby so much anymore. It’s fun to watch her grow and change, but it doesn’t feel like I had her a whole year ago. It still feels surreal that I have a child. I have especially loved the last few months as her personality has blossomed and really started to shine through. I thought maybe I would share the things that I have learned about our Reesey-piece with everyone in celebration of a whole year with her in our life.

My First Mother’s Day

Since Reese is a week short of her first birthday, last Sunday was indeed my first official Mother’s Day. Last year on Mother’s Day I was filled with excitement over meeting this sweet baby girl and I couldn’t wait to be a Mommy. Mark was great and even though I wasn’t technically a mommy yet, he treated me as if I was one for Mother’s Day.

Fast forward one year. It feels strange still to call myself a Mom. Moms are grown-ups. Moms are responsible and organized. I can’t be a Mom. Seriously, I still forget sometimes that Reese is mine. Maybe it’s all of those years of babysitting but sometimes I have a reality check moment when I go “Oh yeah, you are MY baby. I’m a MOM”. It’s still strange.

Mother’s Day this year was great. I’m ashamed that there are no pictures, but it was a very relaxed day and I didn’t feel like whipping out the camera. Mark made me breakfast in bed and we hurried off to church at our usual 20-minutes late time. After church we just relaxed and played with Reese. We took a long walk in the evening to the park and pushed Reese on the swings and then we took her home at put her to bed. It sound like a boring day, but really it was heaven after last week and the mountains of tasks I have yet to accomplish. It felt nice to spend a day just being with the people I love.

My Mother’s Day Resolutions:

1. Learn to say “no”. I don’t have to agree to do everything everyone asks of me simply because I don’t want to let them down. It’s important for me to have more down time at home with Reese. It’s important for me to focus on my family and my daughter, and me.

2. Stop being so judgmental of other people. It’s something I do in times of insecurity and I hate it. I need to care less about what others think of me and also be more positive and understanding when I look at others instead of finding faults in them to make myself feel better.

3. Be a better wife. I get so focused on all the other things in my life sometimes that I think Mark tends to get the short end of the stick. It’s because he is so wonderful and understanding and never complains about me spending time on other things. So I get busy and suddenly he is fending for himself for dinner, and spending the evening alone while I work on the computer, or watching Reese on the weekend while I run errands. He never complains. I need to be more protective of my time with him.

News:

As Mark cryptically wrote in the last post, my adorable sister Kellee is getting married in September. I’m thrilled for her and I’m so excited that she chose to marry someone who I truly enjoy spending time with and think is a great guy.

August-September this year is going to be a bit hectic. We will be going to a family reunion the first week of August in Utah. Also, I was just hired to photograph a wedding in August. Then I will also be co-photographing Kellee’s wedding in September. Yeah. crazy. I won’t be leaving the house much those next few months I think. Editing photos takes FOREVER!

I have talked to my moms and when school lets out for the summer I think babysitting will be kaput. I’m relieved. It feels great to have made a decision that will help me get my life back a little. Granted, I will be stuck at home more working on my computer. But at Least Reese will be playing instead of always being in a car seat or me carrying her around because other people’s houses aren’t baby-proofed. Yeah. This was the right decision.

Anyways, that’s it for my ramblings and news. Until I have time again!

More Moving Pictures

We are having a ball with our video camera these days. Unfortunately, the quality and uniqueness of our videos suffer from a few things:

1. Meghan and I both hate to see or hear ourselves on camera. So we generally either stay silent or just eliminate the audio track entirely and put it to music.
2. We can’t edit video at home. Well, we prefer to do it at my office, where I have access to a nice Mac Pro. Mac’s, especially with iMovie and Final Cut Pro, are vastly superior to PC’s when it comes to video editing (and just about everything except games and statistics).
3. We usually miss the really good stuff. Either we don’t have the camera nearby or the subjects (Reese and Cibo) get shy on camera. We really want some good video of Cibo having a doggy nightmare or of Reese dancing and singing.

Anyways, we did manage to scrape together a couple more videos.

Summertime and Pool Fun (ending with a special urinary salute by Jedi)

Creepy Nighttime Visit

Also, props go out to my sister-in-law Kellee for keeping her last name near the end of the alphabet. KZ in da house!

A Good Day

Reese slept in until 8:45 this morning. When she sleeps in late I KNOW I’m in for a good day. It’s weird but with Reese sleep always begets more sleep. When she wakes up at 6:30am I know all of her naps for the day will be shorter and she will be on the cranky side. But what bliss it is on mornings like today to wake up at 8:45 and wander past Reese’s room where she is still snoozing away and know that today is going to be a good day.

I needed a good, productive day at home today. A couple of weeks ago I wrote about all the projects I’ve been taking on. I spent awhile feeling truly amazed that I was surviving with all of these things on my plate. I just made it work and I was having a great time. It felt good to be Supermom. Then last week, it all came crashing down.

Last week I had two days 8:30am-6:30pm babysitting jobs. This is not normal for me. Add that to my 5 days a week training at the gym, a photo session last week and tons of photos to edit, and 750 SmugMug camera straps to stuff and stamp and mail out to our anxious customers by Monday, and my normal 12 hours a week working on my computer from home.

Yeah. Last week was a bad week. I was exhausted. My workouts were not good. Our house was a disaster and I couldn’t muster the energy to care. Reese had a couple of her bad sleep days. It was humbling. It made me realize that I’m not Supermom, right now I will settle for being a good mom. Last week I didn’t feel like all that good a mom.

I think something is going to have to give. It’s probably going to be babysitting. I have been babysitting for 13 years. I think the time has come to give it up. I want to just take care of my own kids now. Besides, I’m too excited about the other things in my life right now to give anything else up.

So the time has come to just learn how to say “no”. Why is that so hard for me?!