Tonight…

Tonight I have a jumble of thoughts and feelings going through my head that I’m trying to sort through. So I thought I would share in hopes of being able to clear my head enough to sleep.

1. I just saw the new Batman movie tonight. I kept losing focus during the movie and letting my mind wander as I thought about how sad it was that this amazing actor- Heath Ledger- is not even alive now to enjoy the fruits of his success. He stole the show in this movie. His acting was incredible. I wondered if he would be proud of this movie though, as he so amazingly portrayed a psychopathic killer. I thought about why he was so unhappy that he saw no other way out than to commit suicide. I thought about how easily some people throw their lives away.

2. My sister gave birth to a baby girl today, my 6th niece. She had an emergency C-section and for a few hours there I was worried sick that something awful would happen. The sweet little girl’s heart-rate was rapidly dropping and they had to hurry to get her out. Even now, that everything turned out ok, I still can’t get over the anxiety of something bad happening to my loved ones. I don’t know what I would have done if something had happened to my sister or her baby. I don’t even want to think about it, but all I can think about is how fragile life is.

3. In going along with #2, I am thinking tonight about my first night in the hospital with Reese. Knowing that my sister is spending her first night with her new baby is bringing up all of these emotions inside me of what it felt like to finally hold my precious baby in my arms. That first night, Mark had gone home to sleep, so I had Reese all to myself. It was such a magical night. I held her as much as possible and fought off sleep so I could bask just a little bit longer in the feeling of being a new mom. I hope with every baby it is just as magical, but I fear that I will never feel that way again, the newness of starting my life as a mother. So I am thinking about how awe-inspiring it is to be able to give life to another human being. I’m thinking about how precious life can be.

4. To top it off- I feel yucky. I guess that’s what skipping dinner in favor of a candy bar during the movie can do to you. I justify that every once in awhile I deserve to cheat a little and eat something unhealthy, since I’m normally really good about eating right, but I always pay for it later, to the point that it’s really not worth it. So I’m thinking next time I will have a salad instead…

Thanks for letting me dump the contents of my brain for the time being. Good Night!

Austenland

Prologue

“It is a truth universally acknowledged that a thirty-something woman in possession of a satisfying career and fabulous hairdo must be in want of very little, and Jane Hayes, pretty enough and clever enough, was certainly thought to have little to distress her. There was no husband, but those weren’t necessary anymore. There were boyfriends, and if they came and went in a regular stream of mutual dissatisfaction—well, that was the way of things, wasn’t it?

But Jane had a secret. By day, she bustled and luncheoned and emailed and over timed and just-in-timed, but sometimes, when she had the time to slip off her consignment store pumps and lounge on her hand-me-down sofa, she dimmed the lights, turned on her nine inch television, and acknowledged what was missing.

Sometimes, she watched Pride and Prejudice.

You know, the BBC double DVD version, starring Colin Firth as the delicious Mr. Darcy and that comely, busty English actress as the Elizabeth Bennet we had imagined all along. Jane watched and re-watched the part where Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy look at each other over the piano, and there’s that zing, and her face softens, and he smiles, his chest heaving as though he’d breathe in the sight of her, and his eyes are glistening so that you’d almost think he’d cry…Ah!

Each time, Jane’s heart banged, her skin chilled, and she clamped down on the distracting ache in her gut with a bowl of something naughty, like Cocoa Pebbles. That night she would dream of gentlemen in Abraham Lincoln hats, and then in the morning laugh at herself and toy with the idea of hauling those DVDs and all her Austen books to the second hand store.

Of course, she never did.

That pesky movie version was the culprit. Sure, Jane had first read Pride and Prejudice when she was sixteen, read it a dozen times since, and read the other Austen novels at least twice, except Northanger Abbey (of course). But it wasn’t until the BBC put a face on the story that those gentlemen in tight breeches had stepped out of her reader’s imagination and into her non-fiction hopes. Stripped of Austen’s funny, insightful, biting narrator, the movie became a pure romance. And Pride and Prejudice was the most stunning, bite-your-hand romance ever, the kind that stared straight into Jane’s soul and made her shudder.

It was embarrassing. She didn’t really want to talk about it. So let’s move on.”

Yeah. I think I’m going to enjoy this book immensly.:)

Home Again, Home Again, Jiggety-Jig

Wow, time flies when you are a stressed out, jet-setting, working like crazy mom busy.

Our little family of three flew to Utah at the beginning of August for my family reunion at Bear Lake. As Mark stated in an earlier post, traveling with Reese was a challenge. She is still taking two naps a day and when you fly to Utah (especially if you fly Southwest to save money, and they do not have direct flights to SLC) you tend to mess up the nap schedule. Just a bit.:) Reese was actually quite good all things considered, but the sheer volume of things you have to pack and carry when you travel with a baby is horrid. Not to mention that Reese is mostly happy when she can crawl around and does not enjoy sitting in our laps for 2+ hours. She was squirmy, fussy and worn out by the time we reached Utah. And the fun didn’t stop there. We still had a four hour car ride the next day to make it to Bear Lake. And Reese does not sleep in her car seat. Ever.

Once we got to Bear Lake things were better. Reese was not inclined to let any of our relatives hold or play with her though, and everyone soon learned to steer clear of her for fear of making her cry. It’s frustrating  for me as a mother when things like this occur because I don’t want people to think that I coddle my child and that is why she is such a “mama’s girl”. She is simply a clingy child, I assure you, I did not contribute to this personality trait! I want her to play with others, and be independent. But despite my best efforts to leave her in the care of others and make her play with others she is usually only happy when I am within arm’s reach. I keep saying it is a phase, but can you still call it a phase when it has been going on for 8 months?!

I enjoyed our stay at Bear Lake, despite the fact that either Mark or I had to stay at the cabin with Reese as she napped while everyone else went to the water, or to explore caves. I got to wake board for the first time in 7 years, which was a blast! Reese was a champion sleeper for the most part-snoozing right through loud rounds of Bingo and a great dice game we learned how to play. She also learned to walk at the cabin in plain view of my family, which was pretty special.

After the reunion Mark headed back to California and I stayed in Utah for another week to soak up some extra time with my family and play photographer. I am realizing that I don’t know as much as I thought I did when it comes to photography. Sometimes I get lucky and everything falls into place and my photos come out spectacular. Other times I feel like a complete newbie when things go wrong and I have no idea how to fix them. It’s frustrating and it makes me realize that I still have a lot to learn.

Reese improved upon her walking during our stay with my parents. I feel like she grew up a lot during our trip to Utah. She also started signing “please” and “eat”( she already knows “more” and “all done”). She learned some new words including “gog-gog”(dog-dog), “go go” and “cracka”(cracker). There were some rough moments during our trip, and she took to waking up at 6am, ouch! But all in all, it went pretty smoothly thanks to my family who helped out with Reese a bunch. So I thought I would include a list of things that made this trip, for me, so much easier than it might have been:

1. Reese’s sound machine. Lifesaver. When we had to put her to bed at 7pm and everyone was staying up until midnight playing games and making noise, I am positive that this is the only thing that allowed Reese to sleep through it all. Plus the familiarity of the music (we use this at home as well) helps Reese to go to sleep wherever we need her to.

2. The luvie. We can’t get Reese to sleep without it. While some mothers have their own opinions about not wanting their child to be attached to something like this, I have heard numerous pediatricians recommend giving your child some sort of soothing item. It helps them learn to self-sooth, sleep through the night, and sleep in unfarmiliar setting. I  know that someday we may have struggles with getting Reese to give up her giraffe, but I have no doubt that it won’t be nearly as hard as the sleep issues we may have gone through on this trip without it.

3. An enormous yet stylish diaper bag. Believe me, I did not buy this bag for myself, it was a gift. But I am extremely grateful for it’s size and durability. Even with how large this bag is I usually stuff it full, so I’m glad it has a flap and not a zipper at the top. Diaper bags have to be built to take a beating, and I simply love this one. It held everything I needed for Reese for our plane rides, and it fits over the handle of my stroller perfectly.

4. My Rockin’ Baby Pouch. Once again, I must rave. Here we are, 14 months in, and I STILL use my pouch at least once a week. Granted, now that Reese is walking I may be using it less in the future, but it’s a lifesaver for quickly running into a store with Reese or for the walk from the car into the gym. On this trip I used it on both my flights to and from Utah to get Reese to sleep. I put her in a modified hip hold with her against my stomach instead of my side. Topped it off with a blanket over my shoulder and her head and she was out! I do the same thing with Reese when we are at church and she usually catches a catnap against my chest during Sunday School.

I am even more sold on this product now because after one of the size adjustment zippers in the back of mine broke, (no biggie, there are four zippers for different adjustments and I can just use one of them instead and my pouch still works) I saw on their website that they have this guarantee on all their pouches and slings:

“Please remember that a sling or pouch is a 3 year investment – from the
time baby is born until 3 years old or 40 lbs. Our slings and pouches
are well made and will last for this baby, and the next too, if for any
reason it does not we will replace it.”

So I contacted them and they immediately sent me out a brand new pouch. I even get one with new fabric since they no longer carry my original pouch. How cool is that? I adore my pouch.:)

That about wraps up our vacation highs and lows. Another post to come shortly with some of the portraits I got to take on my trip.

Late Bloomer

From Wikipedia: “A late bloomer is a person who does not discover their talents and abilities until later than normally expected. In certain cases, the individual may be as old as 83, and retirement may lead to this discovery.”

While not quite 83 years old, Reese is a little late to the walking game.  Meghan and I have have hypothesized many reasons behind it:

• Hard floors all over our house resulting in more painful falls and less of a desire to walk
• Cibo knocks her over all the time
• A hippo can open its mouth wide enough to fit a 4 foot tall child inside
• She often wears socks on our hard floors and it is quite slippery

Whatever the reason, she has suddenly made giant leaps and bounds (or at least small baby steps) towards becoming a normal bipedal humanoid.  She can raise herself to standing and take 5 or 6 unaided steps before gravity overtakes her and sends her crashing back down to earth.

And of course her Jazz hands:

More photos here.

And one bonus photo: