Why I Do What I Do

The day started out early. I awakened startled at 5am suddenly realizing that I had a photo shoot this morning that I had forgotten to set my alarm for. I rolled over, set the alarm for 7 and drifted back to sleep.

Truth be told, I was not very excited for this day. Among other things, I had a last-minute photo shoot this morning that was scheduled only a few days ago. A large family portrait session. Large family portraits are hard for me. I feel limited with my creativity and energy when I have so many people to arrange and photograph. I like small families and couples because of the variety of ways you can photograph them without it being to posed, too stiff. With large families, you don’t have much of a choice, there must be posing.

This family made me especially nervous. Seventeen people. Grandparents, Kids, Grandkids. I haven’t done a family portrait session with so many people in a long time. Plus I worried that they might have certain expectations. I did a great family portrait session for one of the individual families from this group and I was worried that they would expect the same variety and creativity with their whole extended family as well. This is not really possible.

Confession: I am always nervous before photo shoots. It doesn’t matter how much experience I gain. I worry. I stress about the client’s expectations, my own expectations of myself, the lighting, the location, my ability to be funny and charming while still being professional. I worry about my equipment, the subject’s personalities, and whether or not I will get shots that I am thrilled with.

I fell out of bed at 7, these worries swirling around my brain as I brushed my teeth and loaded up my extra memory cards. I said a little prayer in the car, as I usually do, that God would help me use my eyes and my heart to deliver great photos for this family. I prayed for energy, courage, and creativity.

We spent only an hour and a half shooting. The park was wonderfully shady and the family was utterly charming. I made silly remarks, they laughed. The kids smiled obligingly. The parents rolled with the punches. We finished out the shoot with large lollipops and happy faces.

As Grandpa Bob walked me to my car and slipped me a check his eyes filled with tears. He thanked me quietly for making time for this shoot so last minute. His eyes were wet as he told me how long it has been since they were able to have the whole family together for photos, and how much it means to him that I got so many good photos today.  He hugged me warmly and said goodbye.

I got in my car, the warmth of this thank you still in my ears.

There are many moments when I forget why I do this. There are many times when I am frustrated with my feelings of inadequacy, when I struggle with time management, when I feel like I will never be the photographer I want so badly to be. I didn’t seek out this profession, it found me.

For some reason, this is what I am meant to do. I feel such a drive to improve and grow in this field. I struggle to find time to do it. I sacrifice and practice and work at it. I love it. I think the Lord made me love it so that when people like Grandpa Bob come into my life just wanting to capture their family for that moment, I will be ready. I love that so many people will remember their family, their wedding, their adorable newborn baby through my photographs. They will remember those moments through my eyes and skill as a photographer. Because I take photos, the people in my life will have priceless photos. I feel lucky and so in awe that I am blessed with this particular talent.

Thanks Grandpa Bob for reminding me why I do what I do.