For my Mom

My Mom is fabulous. She is the very definition of a Mom- nurturing, caring, loving, and excellent cook, a good listener, craftsy, smart, and sweet. She is a fantastic Grandmother and my kiddos are always excited to go and visit the “forest house” as they have named my parent’s house in Utah. I have been wanting to make her this poster for awhile and it has been a long time in coming. Happy Mother’s Day Mom! I hope you love it!

View it larger here and original size here.

Sometimes…

photo by Jackie Petty of Jump Photography

Sometimes life is good. The good moments are long and I revel in them. Swim in them. Hug them around me like a warm blanket.

Sometimes the world around me does not matter and I am locked in the deep satisfaction of living my small but wonderful life with the people who matter the most.

Sometimes I look around me and all I see is smiling faces.

Some days I laugh more than I cry.

Sometimes I hope, rather than believe, that I am a good person deep down inside.

Sometimes I wish I was better, thinner, smarter, stronger, or just plain happier.

Sometimes I spend the entire day doing things for other people. I even forget to feed myself I am so wrapped up in the needs of others.

Sometimes I wonder what it’s all for. Why I even bother? What the point is of trying to live a good life?

Sometimes I feel like my kids are my emergency flotation device, pulling me towards the surface and helping me to breathe.

Sometimes I feel like my kids are the hole in my ship letting all the chaos in while I frantically try to bail out and stay afloat.

Sometimes I am everything and everyone I want to be.

Sometimes I am just me, and that’s ok too.

My Penelope

Penny’s name is just Penny. Not Penelope(pronounced “Pee-na-lope”). However, when she was just 4 months old my brother and sister-in-law began calling her this after some movie. The nickname has stuck and I rarely caller her Penny anymore. She is Penelope. Our sometimes(unfortunately) she is also called “Peeners” and “Peenie”.

Since Penny is almost a year old I thought I was a good time to do a recap of her first year recalling all the things about her at this age that I hope to remember(and not remember as the case might be).

Penny has been my most difficult child. At the same time she has had more personality and spunk and huge face-splitting-smiles than my other two girls combined. She is a child who knows what she wants and will make your life miserable until she gets it.

It would be one thing if Penny were difficult in some areas but easy in others. This is not the case. She doesn’t eat well, doesn’t sleep well, doesn’t play well. She shrieks when she is tired, hungry, bored, hurt, happy, and for no reason at all.

The trick with Penny is that she wants attention. She wants to be in your face, in your arms, crawling all over you clawing her way into your heart. It’s not enough for you to smile and wave at her. She wants you to hold her, squeeze her, give her every ounce of your undivided attention. Except, when she doesn’t. Then she wants to crawl, roam, explore and get into every imaginable trouble available to her.

I theorize that she is a genius underneath it all. I speculate that she becomes bored with her surroundings and frustrated with her inability to communicate her needs. She is possibly very smart and passionate and simply being a baby is frustrating to the 10th degree.

The girl loves her daddy. Like, really REALLY loves her daddy. Unfortunately that loves manifest itself in the form of frantic shrieks to be held and paid attention to when he walks in the door. I think Penny sees Mark as her personal chariot, ready and willing to pick her up and stroll around the house with her for hours. It was our coping mechanism during the long first months after she was born when she had acid reflux and would cry for hours. I don’t think she got the memo that those days are long gone.

Still, despite all the difficult things about Penny, she has the most amazing joyful smile. It fills my whole soul with happiness and relief when that girl smiles. Her giggles are infectious- deep and raspy and from the belly. She is wonderful with strangers, often smiling and giggling at random people in the grocery store or on the street until they take notice of her and pay attention to her. She then proceeds to give her best impersonation of a perfectly happy and lovely baby. Then said stranger tells me what a darling child she is, how happy she is, blah, blah, blah. I smile to myself because I alone know the truth.

Penny is so hard, but I feel like I am learning more about her and understanding her more with every passing day. She may be the most difficult child at this age- but who knows what the future may hold. She may become a very even-tempered and calm child yet…or not, but I will love her anyways!

The Test

I never knew life could be hard, until I had kids.

Before parenthood I dined at a buffet of easy and easier. I never knew what it felt like to truly struggle. To pull myself up to the top of a difficult climb by my fingernails, expending every last breath, every last ounce of energy, and arriving at the top exhausted and battered only to glimpse another peak behind the first.

This is what parenthood feels like for me these days.

Every day is a struggle. Every morning when I wake up I just want to linger in bed- five, ten, fifteen minutes longer until I muster up the mental and physical capacity to tackle my day.

Part of the problem is that I don’t do anything halfway. I spend every moment of my day trying to accomplish something, trying to get a little further than yesterday. I try to make room in my day to be a parent, homemaker, maid, photographer, sister, wife, friend, artist, decorator, business woman, athlete, and teacher. I spend sleepless nights tossing and turning as my brain tries to work through the unsolved problems of the day. “What color should we paint the new house?”. “How can I streamline my photo editing?”. “What will I make for dinner tomorrow that everyone will eat?”

My children are my joy but I often find myself wondering- “Is parenthood this hard for everyone else?!” I have three children- that’s not that many! How in the world do other people manage? I lose my patience, my energy, and my dignity all in the course of one day and then I go to sleep only to do it all over again the next day.

When I was young, things just came naturally to me. I know- poor me. Everything that I wanted, wished for, tried to do manifested itself easily and nearly effortlessly. If something did require effort it was never the extreme ordeal that my life is these days. Even the hard things never felt hard because they were so much fun or because I was so passionate about them.

It feels like running back to back marathons some days.

It feels like drowning, like not being able to find the energy to keep myself afloat.

It feels like repeatedly ramming my head against a brick wall.

It feels like the worst cram session of my life before a big test, only the tests come daily with no time in between to study.

It feels like wrestling all day every day and waking up with my limbs stiff and sore every morning.

I keep waiting for the day when things will get easy. It has to get easier eventually, right? I can’t live my life this way forever or I might implode. Some days I look at my life in a detached sort of way thinking “Why are you not imploding? This is crazytown! Any sane person would be falling apart by now”.

Maybe the difficulty is a necessity. Maybe it is meant to condition me, much like training for a race or studying for a test. Maybe the difficult times are yet to come and my life right now is in preparation for those times. This is a terrifying thought.

How is it possible to enjoy the moments, enjoy your children, treasure your time with them at this age, when you feel like every day is a battle?

On Faith – Meghan

I’m a 28-year-old woman and before 8 months ago, I had never prayed to know if my church was true.

I have had experiences that gave me a testimony of things like prayer, repentance, and God. Somehow, somewhere along the line I attributed these experiences to the fact that I was a member of the church and that must be why I was blessed to have had received spiritual witnesses of them. My experiences combined with the testimonies of so many people around me that they knew the church was true became my testimony of the truthfulness of the church.

I was born into a Mormon family. A very Mormon family. And while we didn’t always have regular family home evenings and nightly prayers were not consistent, my parents made it very clear that we were Mormon and there was no choice other than the structured beliefs and commands set forth for by the church. In my teenage years I experienced some turbulence and professed to not believe the church was true at times, but in my head I always thought it was, I only said those things to drive my parents crazy and to have an excuse to make decisions that were not in line with the church teachings. At a certain point when I was 17 years old I decided to “come back to the fold” and the feeling of respect and pride I felt from everyone in my family at that time also cemented my feelings about the truthfulness of the church deep into my psyche. If it felt so good to come back after repenting and humbling myself, it must be true, right?

Future Scientist

A couple of weeks ago Reese attended a “Science Birthday Party” for her cousin Logan. The kids were all treated to watching and participating in many mini science experiments and when they left the party they were given treat bags filled with everything a scientist in the making could need- vials, “oobleck”, and most importantly- safety goggles. Reese has been talking about doing science experiments ever since and frequently asks if we can do “science” when I ask her what she would like to do each day. She swing back and forth regularly between wanting a princess and a science birthday party this year. That day, after the party, this is how she fell asleep for her nap.

I’m Christian, Unless You’re…

This is something I desperately need to work on. Thanks go to my wife for sharing it with me. And thanks to the guy who wrote it.

I’m Christian, unless you’re…

P is for Preschool

Reese has started on the long road of formal education with her first day of Preschool! Last year Reese attended a co-op preschool taught by myself and six other women. We took turns hosting six students at our home where we taught them everything from nutrition to occupations. It was fun to see Reese in an environment with other kids her age and watch how she interacted with the other kids, how she took direction, and how much(or little) she knew about some subjects. However, by the end of the year I was burnt out from hosting preschool, assisting with preschool, and planning lessons for preschool. And all of that was before Penny arrived!

This year we made the decision to put her in a formal preschool. Well, let’s be honest- I decided to put her in a formal preschool when I realized that having two other small kids at home does not provide a whole lot of time to really teach my four-year-old, or do art projects, or entertain her like playing with other kids her age does. Admittedly- I was very pregnant and lazy at the time when most parents I knew were preschool shopping.  So I let my friend Jen do all the research and simply put Reese in whatever school she picked for her son Luke. Luckily- she is notoriously detail-oriented so I knew that whatever school she picked would be great:). We couldn’t be happier with the school she chose- Presbyterian Early Learning Center. In Reese’s classroom of 24, she has 3 teachers and at least 6 other LDS kids. She always comes home bubbling over with the many fun things she did and learned that day. She attends just two days a week for three hours. I have really come to enjoy those days that I get to focus on Zoe and Penny and spend some one-on-one time with Zoe when Penny is sleeping.

Choosing a school with other people we know has had it’s benefits already- we are able to do playdates with Luke and take turns picking the kids up from school. It’s also fun to see the other moms I know at drop-off and pick-up. Reese tells me all about the friends she played with at school each day. Of course she is sure to wear her “Marry Ring” every day “In case anyone wants to marry me, Mom!”. I’ve taught her well, no?

Penny is…

…10 weeks old today.

…over 14 lbs!

…more bald now than when she was born.

…round and squishy and blessed with four rolls per thigh.

…fussy.

…starting to giggle these days, though it really sounds more like a cough.

…the spit-up queen. So much spit-up comes out of this little girl I am amazed she retains enough calories to support her constant weight gain.

…charming us all with her wide open mouth grins, reminding us of Zoe when she was a baby.

…a great sleeper if we start out the day right with quiet naps at home.

…a horrid sleeper if we try to get her to nap on the move when we are out and about.

…fitting into size 9 month clothes already!

…most likely to smile when you say her name.

…a baby that likes to be bounced and walked. She can even tell if you are sitting and bouncing her instead of standing and she does not like it.

…looking more like mommy’s baby pics than daddy’s these days.

…still sleeping by our bed- a record since both Reese and Zoe had been banished to their own rooms by this point in their infancy.

…blue-eyed.

…finally starting to get easier now that she is on regular acid reflux medication!

…such a cutie.

Green Chile Zucchini Enchiladas

This yummy recipe courtesy of my Mommy. Please note my slight alterations to make it even more healthy:).

6-8 corn tortillas

Enchilada filling:
3 Tbsp oil(I only used 1 1/2 Tbsp)
2 cups cooked rice
1 yellow squash, sliced
1 onion, chopped
1 zucchini, sliced
1 c corn(canned, frozen, fresh)
1 c black beans
1 c kidney beans
1 tsp cumin

Green chile sauce:
1/4 cup butter( I cut this down to 1/8 and used smart balance instead)
1 tsp garlic
1 medium onion, finely chopped
2 cups milk(soy milk works fine)
3 tbsp flour
1 tsp vegetable or chicken bouillon
1/4 tsp salt
1 tsp cumin
1 tsp coriander
1 can diced green chiles
1 cup grated monterey jack cheese( I cut this down to 1/2 c, I have also made this without cheese entirely and it tastes great!)

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Heat oil over medium heat and sauté onion and squash until tender. In a bowl mix all filling ingredients including cooked onion and squash. In a saucepan melt butter and then add garlic and onion and cook until onion is translucent. Remove pan from heat and stir in flour. Return to burner and drizzle in milk, stirring continuously until mixture thickens. When all milk has been incorporated, add bouillon, salt, cumin, coriander and green chiles.
Grease a 9×13 baking pan, place 1/2-3/4 cup of filling in each tortilla and roll up. It’s best if you wilt each tortilla in oil or steam to soften. Place filled tortillas in prepared baking pan seam side down. Once baking dish is filled cover with green chile sauce and spindle cheese on top. Bake 20-25 minutes. Cool for 5 minutes and garnish as desired.

I am almost always left with tons of filling. I refrigerate it and eat it by itself or wrapped in a burrito for lunch the next day, it’s yummy as is! Wish I had a picture to show but it it was eaten too fast. Yum!